What my 1-year-old nephew taught me about my self-worth
New Year’s wisdom from a baby
OMG, Carty is so cute it’s not even right!
Hehehe. We’re wearing the same sweater!
Me and the most scrumptious boy ever!
In our latest session, my therapist, Danielle, used my nephew to shift the way I look at myself.
She asked me, “Is there anything Carter needs to do to be worthier of your love?
“For example, would you ever say, ‘You’re cute, but if you changed a few things about yourself, you’d be better and I’d love you more’?”
My answer was an obvious and immediate “of course not.”
Carter can do anything—ANYTHING—and he will always be perfection to me.
When he smiles, amazing.
When he cries, adorable.
When he throws his food on the ground, hilarious.
When he shits his pants, woo hoo!
OMG, the other week he started putting his finger in his nose. Like, genius boy!
Hehe. He sounds good!
Even when he’s biting my face, he’s so awesome!
Responding to my answer, Danielle asked me, “Why is his worth unwavering and automatic, but yours is not?”
I had just finished talking about my work-related stress, which has existed in every job I’ve ever had, from wiping tables at a restaurant to writing speeches for the MPP. Diving into this, we determined that much of my self-worth comes from being productive and from receiving praise from my bosses and colleagues.
Since it’s impossible to always get everything done and since I don’t have control over other people’s thoughts, my self-worth is on shaky grounds.
And this isn’t just a work problem.
How many times have I told myself that I’ll be more lovable when my skin clears up?
That I’ll be better when I lose five pounds and have a flat stomach?
That my life will be greater once I get a higher-paying job or buy a more fashionable wardrobe or fill in the blank with an unending list of made-up improvements.
There is so much I feel the need to do to achieve worthiness.
For Carty though, he doesn’t need to do anything because he is, and will always be, a flawless, loveable cutie pie.
But, as Danielle asked, why is that? Why is there such a discrepancy in how we achieve our worth?
And you know what?
That is a trick question.
That is a trick-ass question because there is no discrepancy.
Even though I don’t often realize and even though I was born into a culture that tells me otherwise, I too am worthy no matter what.
As humans, we all are.
Like Carty, we were all born as perfect little babies who were unquestionably so lovable and valuable. And as we’ve gotten older, that has never changed. The only difference is that with time, our consumeristic world began to bombard us with endless examples of how we’re not enough and what we need to become enough.
But that shit is all made up.
When we boil it down, we are all just humans, and our worthiness in this world comes from that fact alone.
So, as we dive into this New Year’s resolution season, sure, I will have my general goals, but I will try my best to remember that my worth is not dependent on whether or not I achieve them.
My productivity, skin clarity, weight, salary, etc. etc. etc. are all just frivolous add-ons. And like my scrumptious little nephew, my worthiness in this world is unwavering and automatic.
What I’ve learned/some realizations:
My worthiness in this world comes from the fact that I am human.
Being more productive or acquiring more things or altering my appearance will not change my worth.
Danielle is so good!
Carty is the best boy I’ve eva met in my entire lyfe.