I'm approaching 30. Am I supposed to have it “figured out“?
Are my best years almost behind me?
The little outcast on the left is almost 28.
I did something kind of weird the other day…
I went on to the Sun Life insurance website (I’m not even with Sun Life, so I have no idea how I even got there), and I used their life insurance calculator to see how long they think I have to live.
They estimate that I’ve got until 89.
With modern medicine and if I continue to be lucky and live healthily, I feel like I’ll live beyond 89—I actually did a different test later and got 93. But anyway, that’s not the point.
The point is that despite not even being a third of the way through my time, the world is telling me that I need to “figure my life out.”
I should be in my forever job already.
Everyone’s getting married… How am I still single?
Shouldn’t I be getting into home ownership?
I should start family planning because did I know that the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be to have kids?
(The kids point is kind of fair. But who said I’m having kids? OK, I probably did, lol. But I’m still young. And if needed, there will be options for when my eggs aren’t so plentiful—it’s 2020 for crying out loud.)
Apparently, as I approach 30, I should have these boxes checked, or in the least, I should be on route to having them checked. It’s as if these life events are both mandatory and impossible to accomplish post-30. And since I’m almost 28, the clock’s ticking.
With my birthday coming up (I always get even more reflective and weird around my birthday), I’ve been thinking a lot about this pesky, irrational pressure, and here’s what I’ve got to say.
There is no need to rush.
In sports, do you put all of the weight on the first third of the game?
Like, in hockey, do you determine the winner based on the first period? In soccer, do you only try during the beginning of the first half then stop well before the half-time whistle’s blown? In baseball, do you only show up to the first three innings?
No. To all. Because that would be fricken stupid.
Shout out to my man Gary Vee for being the main reason why I believe in this point. He provided me with all of the knowledge for this section.
In life, I feel like the pressure to “figure it out” by 30 is just as dumb.
If I’m going to live until I’m 90ish, why do all of these major decisions and actions need to be made now?
The truth is… they don’t. Because I’m actually just getting started at life and I’ve still got 60 years to go!
If you’re my age and you naturally feel the desire to “settle down,” as they say, then amazing. But if you’re my age (or any age, for that matter) and you’re just rushing to check boxes because you feel societal or familial pressure, then I am here to remind you that you’re still in the first period. And you still have lots of time to win the game, hon.
Side note: If you’re reading this and you’re past the 20s/30s, remember that in basketball, the last minute or two of the game usually makes all the difference. ;)
We need to customize our boxes.
Now that we’ve established that we shouldn’t rush to check off boxes, I think it’s also super important to ensure that these boxes are representing goals that we actually want for ourselves.
Since childhood, I feel like it’s been assumed that my goals are to secure a 9 to 5, get married, have kids, and buy a house. For the longest time, I and so many others have unconsciously accepted these items as our checklist of goals.
So rarely we’re encouraged to look at ourselves and think: Why am I checking these boxes? Do I want to check these boxes? What boxes do I actually want for myself? Why can’t I spread these boxes out into my 30s/40s/50s etc.?
Over the past year and especially as I wrap up 27, I’ve really been trying to answer these questions for myself.
In doing this, in customizing my goals to fit my wants rather than just accepting society’s default path, I just feel way, way more excited and hopeful about my future.
Check out what I was doing in Scarborough. Scarborough! Like, what? Lake Ontario surfing, man. So cool.
Goodbye wedding and suburb checkboxes. Hello city-dwelling, world-travelling, surfer girl dreams.
My best years are not coming to an end.
The 20s are so interesting.
Culturally, we hardcore glorify this decade. According to our elders, the 20s are the years when you’re supposed to have the most fun and be the most carefree. They’re apparently when you’re the most physically fit and attractive. They’re when you have the most hope and the most energy.
On top of all that, the 20s are also the time to “figure it out” and begin to “settle down.”
There’s a lot going on in this decade.
And it makes me wonder, what about all the other decades? How come nobody talks about how amazing the 30s are or all the cool things they did in their 40s or how much fun they had in their 50s?
Our society’s lack of enthusiasm for life beyond 30 makes it seem like it’s all downhill from there.
And I think that’s bullshit.
You’re trying to tell me that these are the best years of my life?
Mentally and emotionally, these are not my best years—time has only made me smarter and more self-aware, so wouldn’t the 80s/90s be the best in this regard?
Financially, these are absolutely not my best years—school debt and entry-level jobs… Like, there’s no way it doesn’t get better.
Physically, these don’t have to be my best years—Jennifer Lopez was 50 in Hustlers. 50! I know she’s a special case, but you get the point.
Speaking of J.Lo, I was listening to her being interviewed by Oprah, my other queen, for Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays podcast.
In their conversation, J.Lo talked about how at 50, she’s better than she ever was in her 20s. Similarly, Oprah often talks about how she’s “blessed to get older” and that life keeps getting better with time.
If J.Lo and Oprah say it, then it must be true.
The older I get, the better my life will be; my best years haven’t passed, they’re 100 per cent ahead of me.
This pic has been circulating on social media lately, and I am so for it.
There are countless examples like this. We got time, man.
So, yeah, that’s what’s been on my mind lately, friends.
Your girl is almost 28. 30 is getting close and the clock is ticking, but (according to Sun Life) it’s gonna tick for 60 plus more years.
So for this birthday, I’m not going to pressure myself to have my life figured out, nor will I subscribe to anyone’s boxes but my own, and I will certainly not believe that the best times have passed.
I’m getting older, and life’s getting better, hon.
What I’ve learned/some realizations:
There is no need to rush.
We need to customize our boxes.
My best years are not coming to an end.