What I learned while surfing in Tofino

I learned how to surf better, but there’s more than that. :D

Not too long ago, I went on a month-long solo surf trip in Tofino, British Columbia, and while I was there, I learned a lot more than just how to catch green waves and paddle out efficiently.

If you’ve been here before, you know that I’m always looking for the life lessons to be learned (hence the name Learn With Lels), and this trip was no different. So, read on to see what I learned while I was busy living my dreams as a West Coast Canada surfer girl.

Solitude is good, and it’s not the same as loneliness.

I’ve read about this lesson before, but in Tofino, I really got to experience it.

Since this was a solo trip, one thing I worried about was being lonely. I worried that I wouldn’t make any friends and that I’d be known around town as the weird girl who was always by herself.

Shortly after getting to Tofino, I realized this fear was a non-issue—partially because everyone at my hostel was super friendly, and partially because, to my surprise, I actually found myself looking forward to my alone time.

Biking to the beach, surfing and spending the day on the water, jogging around town, watching the sunrise at the pier, browsing through the stores: these were all things that I was excited to do on my own every single day.

In my regular life, I’m always so used to being surrounded by people, which I’ve associated with goodness. Contrarily, I’ve associated solitude with loneliness.

In being alone in Tofino, I learned that solitude is actually an opportunity for so much positivity.

Firstly, being by myself allowed me to take my sweet time watching waves and trying to catch them. I didn’t have to worry if my surf partners were judging my abilities or wanting to move on to the next activity. I could stay for as long as I wanted, and it was awesome.

Secondly, and more importantly, solitude gave me the space to reflect on what I want, without the influence of anyone in my community.

I’ve spent so much of my life thinking about what everybody else wants and expects of me.

I’m going to take this program because it’s what my parents want me to take. I’m going to begrudgingly work a job I don’t really like because that’s what society says I’m supposed to do. I’m going to live in Ontario forever because my family says I can’t actually move to the ocean.

(Read about how this dependence on other people’s opinions has contributed to my eternal singleness.)

With all my alone time, I got to think about what I truly want, without the voices of other people trying to deter me from my authentic path.

Don’t get me wrong, outside messages still exist in my head, but physically getting away from others’ voices helped to amplify the most important one in my life: my own.

2. Nobody is better than you.

I’ll preface this lesson by also saying that you are not better than anyone. But the former is my personal struggle, so I’m going to talk about that.

I have had imposter syndrome for my whole life. For whatever reason, I’ve always felt that everyone else knows more or has more experience than me.

The world has shown me plenty of times that this is something I’ve made up in my head, and in Tofino, I was proven this yet again.

Heading out to surf, I’d pin everyone at the beach as a local and myself as a tourist.

I’d see people with more advanced boards than Kelia (that’s what I named my board) and I’d immediately get intimidated.

I’d think to myself, “Everyone’s probably better than you. You’re just a beginner, so lay low and don’t take up too much space.”

In the water though, I encountered so few people who actually deserved the credit I was giving them.

There were so many times that I quit paddling to let a confident-looking dude ignorantly take a wave that I had the right of way on, just to find that he was incapable of catching it. And sadly, so many perfect waves went by with nobody riding them.

In time I realized that just because a guy had a shortboard and looked confident, did not mean that he was a better surfer than me, and it certainly did not mean that he deserved to take up more space.

(I say “guy” and “he” because I honestly never experienced this with other female surfers. In general, I felt lots of courtesy and humility from other women, which was awesome. No offence to dudes, and this of course does not apply to all, but interestingly, over-confidence in abilities and entitlement of the waves was only an issue I saw with men.)

By the end of my trip, I tried hard to just follow the standard surfing etiquette and to drop my practice of letting everyone else take waves that were meant for me.

In doing this, I was able to catch way more waves, really improve, and have a lot of fun.

During one session toward the end of my trip—unrelated, but I surfed next to a porpoise that day, hehe—I got talking to a sweet 50-something-year-old local while out on the water. During our wave-waiting chats, he was shocked to learn that I wasn’t a local myself, and he said that I had “great stoke.”

Obviously, I died of joy when I heard those words. I was already realizing that my “everyone’s better than me” notion was untrue, but to get that compliment, now that was seriously validating and exciting.

Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t people who are better than me at surfing—I know there are a ton. What I am saying, though, is that I need to stop selling myself short—in surfing and in everything else.

I deserve to take up just as much space as anybody, and I gotta own that space in order to experience and share my great stoke.

3. There are so many options.

In my life, I’ve largely been exposed to the same path: 9 to 5 with benefits, marriage, house in the suburbs, a couple kids, grind it out until retirement.

That path is perfectly lovely and later down the line, there are aspects of it that I hope to have. But, that plan has never really resonated with me; I’ve always felt like I’ve wanted something different than what I’ve been surrounded by.

What has resonated with me is exploration and adventure. Job changes until I find a way to make a living that I truly enjoy, even if that means sketchily scraping my teeth at home because I don’t have dental coverage. Extensive travel, maybe even mixing a camper van in there. Blogging and podcasting and trying different creative outlets. Surfing, beaches, and lots of sun.

When you’re surrounded by people who are pursuing one dream and who are encouraging you to do the same (either through constant exposure or through overt pressures), well, that can leave you feeling like there’s something wrong with you. Why do I want something so different than what everyone else wants?

When I was in Tofino, the people I met seemed to be on unique paths that were customized to fit who they are.

I met a cook who lives in his van and loves his nomadic life.

I met a remote-working accountant who works from her computer by day and is busy hiking and camping by night.

I met hostel workers who quit their corporate jobs to travel the world in search of the best waves.

I met firefighters who spend half the year working in Alberta and half the year in Bali, surfing and training in jiujitsu.

Being around these people and seeing how happy they were helped me to realize that there are so many options. I don’t have to do what everyone in my hometown is doing. I don’t have to take the path that my family or society are encouraging me to follow. I can do whatever feels right for me!

I think this is something I always knew, but didn’t fully believe because I was largely only exposed to one path.

Meeting other people who have different dreams and who’ve been pursuing and loving them, has helped me to realize that I’m not alone in wanting something different. These examples helped me to really know that I can create my own unique life that is tailored to who I am and what I want!

So yeah, those are my lessons from Tofino. Hehe. Thanks so much for reading about them!

If you haven’t done so, I highly recommend a solo trip, and I highly recommend Tofino (once the world opens up again).

In the meantime, I hope that you listen to your own voice, that you be confident, and that you create a path that lets you be urself! Oh, and that you find and spread your version of great stoke (omg, I will never get over those blessed words).

What I’ve learned/some (other, lighter) realizations:

I love surfing and want to do it more and more and more.
I used to think that being a full-time blogger/podcaster was the only end goal that would make me happy. But I dunno now. Working remotely and surfing every day was such a dream that I could see myself loving for a long time.
Tofino was great, but like, I would pick warm waves over cold ones any day. Bikinis > wetsuits.