Talking out the nerves ahead of a month-long solo surf trip

Written while en route to Tofino :)

As I’m writing this, I am on my way to Tofino for a month-long solo surf trip.

As you probably know, I have been wanting to be a surfer girl for as long as I can remember. I’ve always fantasized about living on the beach, being all cute and tanned, and starting every day on the water, catching some waves as the sun rises.

Considering that I’m an Ontario-born suburban girl who grew up surrounded by cornfields, I can’t really explain this infatuation. Also, real talk, I don’t think this dream will become a long-term, full-time lifestyle as I know l would pick living near my friends and family over this beautiful vision. But, regardless, I still dream of experiencing this fantasy to some extent.

Over the past couple years, I’ve been taking tiny steps toward it. I took surf lessons while vacationing in the Dominican and Hawaii, last year I did a surf camp in Bali, and just over a month ago, I surfed in Tofino and was exposed to our surprisingly sick Canadian surf culture for the first time in my life.

While all of this has been a lot of fun and I’m glad that I’ve taken some actions to live my fantasies, I’ve decided that I want more, and I’m realizing that I may never have a better chance to go for it.

Right now, I have a remote job so I don’t have to take time off, my current expenses are quite low so I can afford to go financially, and I’m old enough that no one can stop me, yet young enough that I don’t have any real responsibilities holding me back yet.

I’ve got a surfer girl dream, and the time for action is now.

With all of this said, though, it doesn’t mean I’m not scared.

*Boarding the ferry from Vancouver to Vancouver Island (where Tofino is located). Hiding lots of nerves under that smile.*

Over the past couple days, I’ve been filled with lots of thoughts and some nervous, shit-inducing butterflies.

What if I get there and don’t make any friends and am sad and alone for a whole month?

I don’t know many solo-travelling girls. Shoot, Mom’s right, it would be easier to do this with a boyfriend.

Why do I have these unique goals? Why can’t I just want to do what everyone else wants to do?

Ughs, this is going to cost a lot of money.

What if I find out that I don’t actually like surfing? What will my dream be then?

In so many ways, I’m quite scared.

The other day, before I went on this trip, my brother-in-law asked me what my biggest fear was. I think he was expecting me to say something like spiders, or snakes, or heights. But in response, I said, “Dying with regrets.”

Lol, that conversation took a dramatic turn, as did this light-ish post about going surfing.

But for real. There are a bunch of little things that scare me about this trip, and it’d be easy for me to not go and just continue on with my everyday routine. But the fear of becoming a sad, regretful old lady who spent her life living in her comfort zone, mindlessly doing what society told her to do, never chasing her dreams, or waiting for a partner to do fun things, now that scares me way more!

So, I guess what I’m doing is honouring that future old lady by trying to maximize my life now.

As I’m en route to do that, as I approach this unfamiliar situation, I actually recognize this feeling in my stomach from situations I’ve been through in the past. I had it when I moved away for school, when I rejected occupational therapy school then studied journalism, when I went to a surf camp in Bali, when I started therapy, when I rejected a job offer to take time off, when I started a podcast, and whenever I put myself out there in the dating world.

From my life’s experience, when I step out of my comfort zone and get this weird feeling, while it’s often been scary, it’s also led to new friends, memories, growth, joy, and an all-around fuller life.

I don’t know what your version of a month-long solo surf trip is, but I do think that if you’ve been bored or putting your goals off for some unknown future date or just longing for some kind of fulfillment, it may be time to do something to get those butterflies going.

So yes, right now my stomach’s doing weird things and I might have to head to the plane lavatory, but I’ll take these nervous bathroom visits as a sign that I’m on the right track.

A little COVID side note (written from Tofino):

I feel like I should talk about COVID and my travelling during it; the pandemic is obviously a big deal, so I feel like it’s important to address.

When I started planning this trip, cases in Ontario were at record lows, so I felt that it was a good time to book travel within Canada. I did a lot of research to make sure that my transportation and accommodations were safe—my flight had so many open spaces and the bathroom was cleaned after every use, and my accommodations are hardcore about cleaning and distancing. Plus, BC is doing well as far as cases, and with my working from home in a small town, I felt that as long as I stayed safe and smart, everything would be fine.

So, I guess what I have to say is that I definitely understand why travelling isn’t encouraged right now, but everything’s been going well for me, and I intend to stay sanitized, masked, and distanced—surfing is a great physical distancing activity!

Stay safe and follow the rules, everyone. And thanks for reading! <3