What’s the meaning of life?
My little existential crisis and what I got out of it
Basic pic in Bali. I specifically remember that when I was sitting here, I was thinking that we’re all so insignificant.
Last week I was having an existential crisis that led to me spending days in a serious, stay-in-bed kind of funk.
A part of what triggered this was a post I saw on Instagram that said: “When you realize you have an expiration date, you’ll let the small things go.”
As someone who’s no stranger to anxiety, I usually like messages like this. When I remember how short and small my life is in the grand scheme of this universe, the stress I have over my pimples or my unemployment or whatever else (temporarily) goes away.
This time though, I had a completely different reaction.
Rather than positively putting things into perspective by thinking, “Life is short, I can’t waste time worrying,” or “The universe is so big, it doesn’t matter if I make a mistake,” I instead thought, “What is the point? What is the meaning of life?”
The universe is so big and so old. Like, way bigger and older than we can even comprehend. And our small Earth has about 8 billion people on it right now. Not to mention, there were billions who came before and there are billions who will come after. So… what the shit is the meaning of me and my life, which is just a teeny-tiny, short-ass spec in this massive, hectic universe?
And I wasn’t just thinking about me. What is the meaning of all of humankind?
Humans are so selfish and we think that everything revolves around us. But, truth is, with other species, other planets, other galaxies, and the whole incomprehensible universe, our existence is just so small and random. And, someday, like the dinosaurs, our species may even come to an end. So again, I ask: “What is the meaning of humankind?”
I’m sorry that I’ve framed this to sound so depressing, but it’s just been on my mind. Like, if humans are so insignificant, yes, we can be worry-free, but it also makes you wonder what our point is. It’s all so light that it’s just so heavy.
I spent a few days being really down and off thinking about all of this. But, I really hate to just be sad; you gotta at least try to come up with positive solutions.
So, after taking that low time, I did some journaling and sought some help on the internet, which has led to a few conclusions.
1. I don’t think we’ll ever know what the meaning of humankind is.
There are different definitions of meaning, but in general, for something to be meaningful it needs to have purpose (so a goal) and be significant or of value to something beyond itself.
I don’t really think this describes our species. We, as humankind, don’t collectively have a goal that we are all working toward, and, if we did, considering we don’t really understand what exists beyond ourselves and our time on this planet, how would we know how to make that goal significant? Who or what would it bring value to?
If you’re religious, then maybe you disagree with this point. But if you are not religious or if just don’t want to get into higher powers, then I think you’ll have to accept that the question “what’s the meaning of humankind?” is just far too big for us to ever answer.
It kind of sucks for overthinkers like me, but better to focus on what you can control, rather than dwell on what you can’t.
Our species may be random and unexplainable, but how cool is it that we all won this weird and unlikely lottery?
2. Unlike our entire species, our individual human lives can be meaningful.
Yes, we will all die, and our lives will be just a little dot on the timeline of everything that’s ever existed. But, during that dot, we can create meaning. We can absolutely find something or somethings that give us direction and that serve a cause that’s greater than ourselves.
I’ve definitely found meaning in experiences and interactions in my life, but I don’t yet know what the meaning of my life is as a whole.
I feel like for me to fully know this, I need to not only satisfy that definition of meaning, but I also need to feel passion and drive and joy and love and completeness. I don’t just want that simple definition of meaning, I also want to answer my calling (if I have one) and really feel fulfillment.
I guess it’s all just semantics, but the bottom line is, I want to max this life out—especially since it’s so short and rare. I want to be on my deathbed thinking that I did everything I could, that I have no regrets, that I was doing things I care about that made positive change, that I was passionate, that I was helpful, that I was with people I love, that I was happy as shit.
I want to be in love with my life. Maybe it sounds like a lot to ask, but considering there are people who feel this way about their lives, I know that it’s possible.
Right now, I’d say that I love my life and that I’m in like with it. I think I’m on a really good track, but I’m trying to figure out what is missing for me to be in love.
Grateful that I’m not a bus.
3. Whatever I’m looking for, I’m not going to find it by doing nothing.
I feel like I should preface this point by saying that depression is obviously a very real problem, and if you’re depressed, you should get help from a professional.
I also feel that, while my down days last week were not enjoyable, as a human, emotions, both positive and negative, are unavoidable. And, as uncomfortable as it may be, it is good to sit with your feelings and to try to understand them.
Last week, if I had distracted myself with fun things or brushed myself off or tried to just snap out of it, it wouldn’t have helped me in the long run because I wouldn’t have come to these conclusions.
But now that I’ve embraced those uncomfortable feelings, answered some of my questions, and realized additional uncertainties that I want to solve, it’s time for me to get moving.
If I want to answer my calling (whatever that may be), be fulfilled, and find whatever will make me be in love with my life, doing nothing won’t help. Whatever I’m looking for isn’t going to fall out of the sky or hit me in the face while I’m moping in bed.
I need to take action. I need to chase joy. I need to be curious. I need to always practice gratitude. I need to spend time with the people who make me happy. I need to pack my time with the activities that make me happy. I need to question the things I don’t understand. I need to lean into the things that I care about. I need to try to make things better for the people and world around me.
Doing this, purposely living as fully as possible, is the only way that I’ll find whatever it is I’m looking for.
And maybe when I get to my expiration date, I’ll look back and see that I didn’t have a profound calling. Maybe my life won’t have had a deep and intense meaning. Maybe my fulfillment won’t have come from something big that I searched for, but from the small things I did every day.
Who knows? There are so many uncertainties.
But one thing I am certain about is that I have to try and use this one chance, as random and as small as it may be. And if I maximize my life, deep meaning or not, at least I’ll have had a full, joyful time.
My life may just be a short-ass spec, a lucky and random experience, or a tiny little dot. But whatever it is and whatever its meaning, Lels is gonna make the most of it!
Gotta maximize this life!
What I’ve learned/some realizations:
I don’t think we’ll ever know what the meaning of humankind is.
Our individual human lives can be meaningful.
Whatever I’m looking for, I’m not going to find it by doing nothing.
I may not find a deep meaning or calling or whatever, but I will maximize my life and end it with no regrets.
I seriously love Gary Vee.