How surf camp and getting a piercing in Bali helped me find independence

Yes, I am aware of how basic I sound.

I got my septum pierced.

As a hardcore rule follower who’s always run things by her mom, I’m probably not someone you would think would have a piercing on her face. But last week, while in Bali—lol, could I be any more cliché?—I decided to go for it.

But, let me backtrack a little bit.

I started my trip at a surf camp called WaveHouse, and let me tell you, it was everything I wanted it to be.

I flew into Bali with my friend Kaylee, and our plan was to separate for the first week of the trip while I went to surf. After 30 something hours of travelling and one night in Denpasar, I got picked up to head to the camp.

Driving away from Kaylee, I was super nervous. I’m always with my friends and/or family. Like, literally ALWAYS. I feel like I haven’t done something totally on my own since I went away to university or when I started my last job. And those things took place in Canada, not in foreign countries.

When I got to the camp, I checked in and got settled in my girls’ dorm room. I gave the camp a quick tour—every square inch was gorgeous—then had to figure out what to do. The place was pretty quiet as most people were out surfing. So, I decided to go check out the neighbourhood.

As I was walking around, the feeling was so unfamiliar. I could go to the shops, get something to eat, hit the beach, or do whatever I wanted, and I didn’t need to consult with anyone about it.

At home, I’m always asking my friends or my parents or my sisters for their opinions on what I should do, or in the least, I’m thinking about what they would think I should do. But at this moment—sure, it was for something small—the decision as to how I’d spend the next few hours was fully my own.

I ended up at the beach. Surrounded by locals who were taking smoke breaks from their construction jobs, tourists who were tanning with their significant others, and stray dogs who were playing in the water, I laid out my solo towel.

Part of me felt weird being alone, like I was lame for not having any friends to chill with. But another part of me also felt this huge sense of freedom. I could literally do whatever I wanted, and no one but me had a say in it.

A few hours later I headed back to the camp where things seemed to be a bit busier. It was dinnertime, so I sat in the dining area with my computer to work on my podcast while eating—I brought something to do because again, I was scared to look like a loser on my own. I absolutely felt like I was back in first year university, when all I wanted was to have friends to hang out with. I chatted a bit with some of the other campers, who were interestingly all Russian, then I found one of a million beautiful spots to do some work to finish off the night.

The next day I started my surf lessons! I had a theory class in the morning, then hit the water at Kuta Beach at noon.

You know when you picture something and think that it’s going to be so amazing, and then you do it and it’s just OK? Well, surfing has not been one of those things.

I became obsessed with the idea of being a surfer girl when I saw Blue Crush when I was 9. My first time trying was exactly one year ago in the Dominican Republic, the second was in May in Hawaii, and now, a week-long surfer trip in Bali (literally … — I became obsessed with the idea of being a surfer girl when I saw Blue Crush when I was 9. My first time trying was exactly one year ago in the Dominican Republic, the second was in May in Hawaii, and now, a week-long surfer trip in Bali (literally all of my money in life has gone toward education and travelling).

*Some days we surfed at 6 a.m., and despite sometimes going to bed at 3 a.m., I was always so happy to wake up and start the day on the water.*

Every time I’ve surfed it’s felt as amazing as I hoped. Throughout the week I was able to move fairly quickly up the levels of lessons, which I attribute to God, who, despite making me be born in Ontario, put me on earth to be a surfer. (Lol, I’m only like, somewhat joking when I say that. Honestly, I mostly mean it.)

Between surf sessions, I continued to try mingling with the other campers, many of whom were brave nomads on really cool life paths. These people, as well as the camp environment, made socializing pretty easy, and most importantly, being there on my own made it so that I couldn’t depend on anyone I knew to make me feel more comfortable. I was forced to find a mix of feeling enjoyment in doing things independently, and meeting and hanging out with new people.

I’d explore the town on my own; have drinks and go to bars with the Russian/American/Indonesian/Australian/British/etc. campers and instructors; I’d go out to eat by myself; I’d hop on the back of a scooter and see waterfalls with new friends; I’d lay alone by the pool; I’d hit up a skatepark with some badass chicks.

These experiences, the people whom I interacted with, and the self-reflection I did during this time, taught me a lot about independence, and how it’s certainly been missing from my life. Here are a couple things I learned from my short, yet wonderful, solo surf trip.

BE ALONE

I spend so much time and am always in communication with my family and friends, and I’m realizing that I’ve grown very reliant on their approval and validation for everything. I recognize that it’s on me for allowing these opinions to control what I do, and I also recognize that it is a blessing to be surrounded by so many people who care.

But at the same time, I’m learning that I need to find my own voice. I’ve been so focused on doing what other people think I should do, that I’ve lost sight of what I want for myself.

In getting away from the people whom I depend on, even just for a week, I was forced to get out of my comfort zone, listen to myself more, and realize that the only person’s approval I need is my own.

I learned that there is a lot of freedom in solitude, and I also learned that it can be really enjoyable as well.

I’ve always thought that I’d look and feel like a loser if I were to do anything alone, like I needed a friend with me in order for anything to be worthwhile. I am largely an extrovert, so I certainly appreciate that it can be great to enjoy things with people you care about. But this mindset that we need someone else to have a good time, and that we should consider how we look to other people when we’re doing things, is totally flawed. Time alone with your thoughts can be very beneficial, and you are not lame for indulging in that.

MEET NEW PEOPLE

I had a great time on my own, but don’t get me wrong, I was super excited to be with my friend Kaylee for the rest of the trip. I’ll talk more about the our adventures in the next post, and I know that she’s planning to talk about her time on her bl… — I had a great time on my own, but don’t get me wrong, I was super excited to be with my friend Kaylee for the rest of the trip. I’ll talk more about the our adventures in the next post, and I know that she’s planning to talk about her time on her blog, *www.wewonderwewander.com. And oh man, that woman’s trip was something. Extremely eventful and hectic. So defs stay tuned for that.*

I am very lucky that I have a solid support system. In having such a large community, figuring out how to find time for everyone, and for myself, has definitely been a struggle. Considering this, I’ve spent the past couple years thinking that I don’t want to expand my circle any further, because I just don’t have the time to maintain any more connections.

While you may love your crew more than anything, by sticking with the same people and refusing to expand, you turn down the opportunity to learn and see from new perspectives.

But, if you welcome new people, while it may force you to do some adjusting to your schedule, it can also help you to see the scope of the world and identify ways that you can grow.

At the surf camp, I met so many people who were on totally different tracks than what I was used to seeing.

I met people who quit their jobs to pursue entrepreneurial ventures on the other side of the world. I met people who were doing the whole, “eat, pray, love,” roaming the world to find myself kind of thing. I met people who were so happy to live minimally and just share their passion of surfing every day.

To be honest, these are all things that I would love to do for myself, but since I’ve never really been exposed to people who want and are doing these things, these ideas just seemed like lofty dreams, rather than actual possibilities. But, in being alone and in allowing myself to actually welcome new people in for once, I was able to realize that I don’t have to tailor my next chapter based on what I’m used to seeing or on what I think society expects of me; I’ve seen firsthand that there really are so many possibilities of what I can do next.

So, back to my nose ring.

My mom talking about my dad’s feelings about my nose ring.

I’ve come to realize that while I may be adventurous, I’m not really a spontaneous person. So, while piercing my septum may have seemed like a “vacation mode, living in the moment” kind of decision, it was actually something I thought about for a while. The thing is, I never got it pierced while I was at home because I knew my parents would tell me not to do it.

But in learning to find approval and validation in myself, and in learning to put my wants over the opinions of others—and in being around people who totally live that way—I decided to make the piercing appointment while in Ubud. And then, only after all was said and done, I sent a picture of my nose to my family and girlfriend group chats.

If you’re someone who’s used to listening to your own wants and needs, getting a little piercing may not seem like a big deal at all. But for this rule-following, approval-seeking baby of the family, it means a lot!

So now, when I look at my sweaty little nose, I am reminded that I can do whatever I want to do! I’m learning to be more independent, and as long as I like the decisions I make and am happy with the person I’m becoming, then that’s all that matters!

What I’ve learned/some realizations:

I am far too dependent on the approval of my friends and family, and I need to learn to just figure out what I want.
Sometimes it helps to leave the people you depend on for a bit so that you can learn to be more independent.
Doing things on your own can give you a sense of freedom and it certainly can be enjoyable. Also, you are absolutely not a loser for doing things alone!
It’s good to meet new people, even if you already have lots of friends. New people can teach you new things and help you to grow.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, the only approval and validation you need is from yourself.