My guide to dealing with anxiety

Using the four Ms of being present

*For my trip to Bali, I didn’t want to be anxious and thinking about the future; I wanted to be present to take in all this beauty!*

I have very clear memories of being a 7-year-old, lying awake at 3 a.m. during summer break, unable to sleep because I was so worried about the swimming lessons I had to take in the winter—so like, six months later.

I also remember spending a good few weeks in high school, taking detours to avoid walking by the library because I was so scared to run into the librarian whom I thought was mad at me for owing a few dollars in late fees.

Or how about when I roamed around Thailand with uncompromising stress and a significantly elevated heart rate, thinking so much about money and how I didn’t have a job lined up for when I got home.

What’s the point of all of these random little stories and the million others that I could list off right now?

It’s that I have a long history of being THE most anxious woman you could come across.

So many gorgeous sites that I wanted to soak up in Bali! My friend Kaylee had some very valid reasons to be anxious while there, though. Check out her blog to read about it: www.wewonderwewander.com/home/2019/11/21/a-series-of-unexpected-events-and-… — *So many gorgeous sites that I wanted to soak up in Bali! My friend Kaylee had some very valid reasons to be anxious while there, though. Check out her blog to read about it:* *www.wewonderwewander.com/home/2019/11/21/a-series-of-unexpected-events-and-how-to-deal*.

As people do when they are anxious, I’ve spent so much of my life living in completely imaginary futures.

What if I suck at swimming, fail my lessons, and everyone in my class laughs at me for the rest of the year?

What if the librarian screams at me, tells all the teachers that I’m a bad student, then bans me from the library for the rest of high school?

What if I get home from Thailand, never find a job, and my bank account just keeps getting redder and redder and redder for the rest of my life?

It sounds ridiculous when I write it all out, but these are the kinds of thoughts that I’ve been having for as long as I can remember.

In case you’re wondering what happened in these scenarios, I actually did fail my swimming lessons, lol. But nobody laughed because our terrible teacher failed every single person in the class that year. And also, now I’m a great swimmer and a gnarl… — In case you’re wondering what happened in these scenarios, I actually did fail my swimming lessons, lol. But nobody laughed because our terrible teacher failed every single person in the class that year. And also, now I’m a great swimmer and a gnarly surfer girl, so whatever. For the other things, the librarian didn’t care and she was happy to get money to pay for books, and I actually started a new job a couple days after I got home from Thailand.

I think part of me has been hesitant to change this unhealthy mindset because I’ve justified my anxiety as a tool that helps me to get things done and be ready for what could come.

If I’m not always thinking that I will get fired if I have unanswered messages in my inbox, then how will I clear my emails? If I’m not always thinking about how I’ll respond to a friend whom I’m pretty sure is annoyed at me, then how will I know what to say if she happens to confront me? If I’m not always thinking about how I don’t have a job and that I will be income-free forever, then how will I find employment?

While I appreciate my productivity and preparedness, in reflecting on my anxiety, I’m realizing that there has to be a better way.

I cannot continue to endlessly ruminate over worst-case scenarios that never end up happening; living with mild chest pain and lost sleep from my constant state of worry; and most importantly, failing to enjoy the life that’s right in front of me because I’m too freaked out about the what-ifs.

*https://quotefancy.com/quote/1890/Mark-Twain-I-ve-lived-through-some-terrible-things-in-my-life-some-of-which-actually*

So, what’s the solution?

I’m obviously no expert, but the experts I do know (i.e. Jay Shetty and my therapist, Danielle) have been telling me one thing: to be present.

I’m told, by these long-time dwellers of the present, that when you’re living in the moment, you’re better able to appreciate where you’re at and what’s around you. It allows you to have a clearer mind because you’re not thinking about anything other than what you’re doing. You’re able to be calmer, healthier, more relaxed, and all-around happier.

And—contrary to what this resident of the future believed—with this improved mindset, you’re actually able to be more productive and mentally equipped to take on the things that are coming up.

Also, on a more philosophical note, since tomorrow is not a guarantee, there’s no sense in our minds living there. We’re better off fully embracing and enjoying what we know to be certain: right now.

All of this makes sense to me, but being present is way easier said than done. You can’t just say that you’re going to be present, and then all of a sudden you will be (though, good self-talk is a part of the equation). In order to be present and manage anxiety, I think it helps to have some hacks.

So, here are the things—which conveniently all begin with the letter M—that I’ve been doing recently to help me combat my anxiety, and move from living in the future to living in the present.

(Try these tips, but do hit up a professional if you feel like you need to. I did, and it’s been great!)

1. Meditating.

As someone who’s always put productivity and efficiency on a pedestal, I used to think that meditation, and things like yoga, were just these fluffy, pointless practices that people did to be trendy. But, in realizing that my obsession with the future has been quite unhealthy, I’ve come to realize that there actually is so much value in the practice of just being.

For the past couple months, I’ve been spending 15 minutes each morning sitting in my room with my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing and my senses—so I’ll notice what I’m smelling, hearing, tasting, feeling, and what I saw prior to closing my eyes. It kind of sounds silly, but I feel like it’s been helping me start my day calm, rather than panicked about what I think I should be doing.

At first, I thought meditating was super boring, and I was itching for my alarm to go off so that I could get on with my day. But now I’ve learned to enjoy that time, and it’s helped me understand that there’s more to life than just checking things off my to-do list.

2. Mantras.

I am learning that the things I say to myself in my head actually make a huge difference in what I believe, how I behave, and who I become.

Unfortunately, so much of what I say to myself a) is mean as hell, and b) is completely about the future and not at all about the present.

In trying to shift this, I’ve literally been saying to myself, “I am present.”

While I meditate and whenever I notice myself getting caught up in stresses pertaining to the future, I repeat this over and over and over, and eventually, I actually start to be present.

“I am present” is a pretty solid mantra that I’ve been using quite a bit, but depending on what else I need to hear, I also add in some other phrases like, “I am where I’m supposed to be right now,” “I am capable,” “I am independent,” “I am happy now,” “I’m cool, I’m fun, I’m smart, I’m cute.”

And when I’m repeating these positive statements to myself, not only do I start believing them, but they also take the place of the other mean shit that I’m so used to saying and believing.

Went it comes to self-talk, mantras bring on the good and cancel out the bad.

3. Modifying my phone usage.

It’s hard to be present when we are glued to these little boxes that beep and light up literally all day and night, notifying us of the million things that want our attention. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and everything that my iPhone gives me, but it’s not exactly designed to help its users be more present.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to tap into my phone’s screen time and notification features.

I generally sleep between midnight and 8 a.m. (side note, this is the first time in my life that I’ve been sleeping 8 hours on a regular basis, wooo!). So, to prevent mindless scrolling in my bed and so that I can start my days calm and not just immediately reacting to other people’s needs, I’ve set my phone so that I can only access basic apps, like calling and texting, between midnight and 9:15 a.m.

I’ve also turned off my notifications for most of my apps, put limits on the ones I find addictive, and have been keeping my phone face down and using the timer to set chunks of time for when I can and cannot use it.

I’ve only just started this, but so far, it’s made it easier to be present with whatever I’m doing. As well, my screen time is down and I feel like I haven’t missed out on anything.

4. Mortality reminders.

As I brought up before, we cannot be sure of tomorrow, but we can be sure of right now. I find it helpful to keep in the back of my mind that I, and the people whom I care about, will not be around forever. Really sitting with that fact can help us to forget the uncertain worries of tomorrow and truly be present and grateful for the life we have right in front of us.