Our society’s definition of success is bullshit
Lessons from my relaxing Toronto summer
At the CN Tower, doing touristy things in my city.
I’ve been duped. And, to be honest, you’ve probably been duped too.
Since the beginning of time, I thought that success was synonymous with accomplishments. To be successful, you had to achieve, you had to get recognition, and you had to accumulate some kind of quantifiable external reward, typically presenting in the form of money, followers, a certain weight, or amount of possessions.
At the same time, I also equated success with my worth. And so, in order to have self-worth, I found myself hustling at all times, working toward the best grades, the most extra-curriculars, a small number on the scale (cringe), and the most validation-seeking, productive hobbies.
As our society often encourages, I patted myself on the back for being eternally hardworking and somewhat exhausted at all times.
And I’m starting to realize that this way of living is total bullshit.
Reflecting on my life so far, while I’ve always had a full resumé and endless list of goals, I’ve also had a huge amount of anxiety and a looming sense of insufficiency. I’ve had to achieve a goal in order to have worth, I’ve stressed until I met that goal, then I’d have a new goal as soon as one got crossed off, thus, continuously repeating the cycle of stress and inadequacy.
This summer, I decided to try something different.
I recently moved to Toronto, and with things starting to open up, I decided that I wanted to fully focus on embracing this new experience of being a single Toronto girl, living on her own for the first time in the big city.
A little glimpse of my Toronto digs.
I took a pause on blogging and podcasting and didn’t pressure myself to post anything on my Learn With Lels social media—I actually tried to avoid social media altogether. I didn’t make any strict exercise or healthy-eating plans. In general, I didn’t put my energy toward accomplishing anything, really.
And you know what happened?
I had the best fuckin’ time.
I had tons of valuable experiences with my friends and family (camping, cottaging, FaceTiming, going for spontaneous beers or walks or beach volleyball sessions), all while being fully relaxed and present because I wasn’t stressed about having to do anything else. I explored so many corners of the city, people watching for hours and trying all kinds of different restaurants. I cooked healthy food and longboarded and surfed and moved my body every day, not because I felt like I had to, but because I truly wanted to. I slept well and felt energized. I went on countless dates and got to meet and learn from so many different guys—lol, a blessing and also a headache.
Looking back on this time, despite not hustling or seeking external praise—a stark contrast to how I’ve been bred to live—I can say, even with the highs and lows provided by my ramped-up dating life, I’ve been the happiest, most fulfilled, and most at peace I’ve ever been.
And so, I’ve come to this conclusion: We need to redefine what success is.
Rather than measuring success by external, quantifiable markers that are typically centred on what we hope other people will think about us, success should be internal, based on how we feel and centred around our own integrity.
Imagine, rather than hustling to acquire more money to feel better than those with less, we could instead realize that we’re all equal and focus on finding and doing fulfilling work. Rather than comparing and stressing about how many likes and followers we have, we could instead focus on enjoying and strengthening the real relationships in our lives. Rather than feeling shitty about a number on the scale, we could instead focus on acquiring the energy needed to do the activities we like. Rather than curating nice-looking personas, we could instead just live actual great lives.
I don’t know about you, but the latter in all those scenarios sounds like such a better experience to me. And having felt the misery of trying to pursue the former, I’m realizing that a shift in my perception of success is totally necessary.
Plus, considering the impact conventional success has had on the planet (the rich and famous have the biggest carbon footprints), and considering that it’s so common for conventional success to totally rock those who reach the “top” (think about basically every child celebrity), I think a change in not just my, but in everyone’s perception of success is long overdue.
And so, I’m rejecting this bullshit definition that we’ve been taught to believe. For me, accomplishments, accolades, fame, fortune, status, and other external shit no longer equate to success. Instead, success is internal. It means that I have an overall sense of wellbeing. It means that I feel peace and happiness and that I’m living with integrity.
I highly doubt that people in power like big corporate leaders, politicians, or even dictionary makers will adopt my new definition of success. But if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll consider joining me in embracing this shift, because we have been duped, and having experienced my beautiful Toronto summer, I know that there’s a better way!
You know I can’t talk about happiness without making some kind of reference to my nephew (the cutie pie in my arms).
What I’ve learned/some realizations:
Our society’s definition of success is bullshit.
External factors don’t necessarily equate to a happy/fulfilling/peaceful life.
Success should be internal, based on how we feel and centred around our own integrity.
I need to spend way less effort trying to make my life look good, and put way more attention on making my life actually feel good.
Dating in Toronto is a fun, amazing, overwhelming, upsetting, rollercoaster mindfuck.