Therapy 101: 16 things to know
From a girl who’s one year into therapy
I thought this funny little sunrise pic in Bali where you can’t see my face would be a nice way to start. No reason, really. It’s my blog, I’ll do what I want.
It’s been about one year since I started seeing my therapist, Danielle, and with Bell Let’s Talk Day this week, I figured it’d be a good time to write a blog post that’s all about therapy.
From finding a therapist, to dealing with costs, to what to expect, here are some things I’ve learned that will hopefully help you if you’re considering going to therapy.
1. How to find a therapist
I’ve had quite a few people ask me how I found my therapist, and the answer is: Google. I Googled “therapists in my area.”
Since I didn’t have benefits, I wanted to find the cheapest option possible. Most places I saw had high fixed rates, but a location in Bowmanville called Counselling Connection offered free consultations to discuss needs and prices, so I gave them a call and the rest is history.
2. It’s expensive, but there are options
Yes, it is expensive to see a therapist as it is not covered through OHIP. I feel like $120 to $160 is pretty standard for a one-hour session.
However, if your workplace offers some coverage, then that can obviously offset some costs. I highly recommend really looking into this. At my old job, I didn’t have benefits, but I learned at the end of my contract that there were online therapy services that I, and my family, had access to for free. This was not at all made clear to me when I first started working, so it’s worth it to double-check with HR. I’ve also heard of apps and websites that provide more economical options, so that’s another thing worth looking into.
Finally, I’m not sure how many other places do this, but the clinic I go to offers discounted prices for those who are not able to afford their standard rates, so that’s pretty awesome for people like me who do not have benefits.
3. You may have to try a few different people
I was super fortunate that I clicked with my therapist right from the get go. However, most people aren’t so lucky. There are lots of therapists, with lots of different designations and methods, so like anything, some research and shopping around may be required before you find someone who you like. And while that does sound really tedious, it’s worth the effort to find someone who’s good for you!
4. Starting can feel weird
The first time I went to therapy, I was so stressed. What if someone sees me walking into this place? What if I run into someone I know in the waiting room? What are people going to think about me when they find out that I’m going to therapy? This is going to be so awkward. Is this lady going to judge me?
I’ve learned to get over these worries, but know that you’re not alone in feeling uncomfortable to make that first move. Also, if you want to go to therapy, while there is no shame in that, you have zero obligation to tell anyone.
On top of therapy, it also helps to incorporate some other activities that will improve your mental health between sessions. Such as exercising… (More suggestions in the upcoming pics)
5. You don’t need to have huge problems to go
I had a weird kind of imposter syndrome when I started therapy, like my problems weren’t significant enough to be seeking help. But every person’s life and experiences are valid, so if you feel like you need mental health support, then you are worthy of getting it.
6. The format of the sessions
People have asked me what happens in therapy. I’m sure each therapist is different, but for me, my therapist starts off by asking me how everything’s going. Then I talk about my week and what’s been on my mind, especially problems and the things I feel are holding me back. She helps me to feel valid in my emotions, we try to understand why I feel how I do, and then we come up with actionable things that I can do to make improvements.
Sometimes my therapist tries different methods—she got me to draw once, which felt weird af, lol—but in general, the process of it all has been pretty simple.
7. An objective person makes a big difference
I had someone ask me why I don’t just talk to her instead of going to a therapist. As I mentioned, the sessions have been pretty simple, so why not do this for free with a loved one?
You absolutely can talk about what you’re going through with trusted friends and family. But, an objective person (who is not impacted by what you have to say and who did not impact whom you’ve become) is able to have an unbiased perspective compared to someone who is invested in your life.
Also, while my sessions have been simple, the conversations have not been—humans are complicated—so talking to a professional has really helped.
8. You’re not weak for going to therapy
In fact, I’d argue the opposite. There is still a stigma surrounding therapy and admitting that you need support. So, to acknowledge how you feel and to take action despite the stigma actually takes courage.
Mental health is a component of who we are and it deserves to be nurtured just like every other important aspect of our lives. There’s no shame in going to the gym to work on your physical health, and therapy and mental health work deserve the same respect.
Hanging with the girls…
:)
9. Your therapist isn’t there to fix you
They’re there to help you help yourself.
Touching again on the physical health connections: it’s like getting a personal trainer. The trainer can tell you what to do to be physically healthy, but you’re the one who has to do the squats if you want the stronger ass.
This bugged me at first, because I wanted my therapist to just solve all my problems. But, a good therapist will make it so that with time, you learn to rely less and less on them, and more and more on yourself.
10. Come prepared
I recommend having a plan of the things that you want to address, and making that clear to your therapist. They’re there to help you, but you are still responsible for making sure that you’re getting what you want out of the session.
11. You have to want to be helped
Have an open mind when you go to therapy, and be prepared to find out that you’re not always right. Once you’re cool with that, then you’ll be better able to make progress.
12. It’s about learning, but it’s also about unlearning
One of the reasons why I started therapy was to learn about myself so I could be more self-aware and, therefore, better able to create a life tailored to who I am and what I truly want. Danielle and I do the work of talking about my childhood and trying to understand who I am and how I got to be this way. I’ve certainly learned a lot and had some aha! moments, which I expected when I started this process.
But, what I wasn’t anticipating was how much unlearning I would have to do.
When you go to therapy, you become privy to the things that have not helped you. Bad thoughts about yourself, unhealthy practices, limiting beliefs. I’ve been realizing all of these unhelpful and negative things in my life that I had falsely accepted as OK, and with my therapist’s help, I’m figuring out how to unlearn them just as much as I’m learning to adopt helpful and positive alternatives.
Getting outside…
13. It will impact your relationships
While you’re doing this learning and unlearning, you will likely realize some things about your relationships with people that need to be changed in order for you to live more happily and healthily.
When the people in your life are used to you and your interactions being a certain way, you may experience some backlash when you’re making these changes. I think it’s important to anticipate this, to empathize that change isn’t easy, to communicate your position, and to remember that if a relationship is important enough, y’all will get through.
It’s also key to remember that you can’t control other people, but you can control how you respond to them (Danielle’s piece of wisdom, not mine).
14. Your therapist isn’t always right
Therapists are human, too. So sometimes they’ll make suggestions or hypotheses that you may not agree with. Don’t just agree to be polite (people pleaser problems). Be open minded, but speak up if you think they’re on the wrong track.
15. There will be ups and downs
Some therapy sessions I leave feeling so good, and some sessions I leave saying WTF—though, those sessions usually lead to better understanding and realizations later on. What I’m saying is, once you start therapy, you likely won’t just have a straight upward trajectory. Some weeks you’ll feel up and some weeks you’ll feel down. In general, though, I’ve found that I leave feeling more up than not, and my baseline mental health right now is way higher than it was when I started therapy.
16. It will take time
Working on your mental health is a lifelong effort. One or two therapy sessions will not all of a sudden make you happy and calm and mentally fit.
Just like exercising and eating right for physical health, it takes consistent effort, good practices, and sometimes medication to maintain your mental health.
As long as you are making your health a priority, seeking the help that you need, and being patient and kind with yourself along the way, then I think you’ll be on the right track to a better, healthier life.
And baby snuggles!
OMG, even when Carty’s giving attitude, he’ll improve your wellbeing!
Lol, this was meant to be a quick blog post, but I just kept thinking of more and more things that could be helpful to someone who’s considering therapy.
I’m no expert, and I’m sure everyone’s journeys are different, but therapy’s been really helpful to me so I want to encourage other people to consider it!
During Bell Let’s Talk Day, and on every day, I hope that we all prioritize mental health and that we’re not ashamed to do so!