Eight things I’ve learned being unemployed for five months
A post about failure and fulfillment
I’ve spent a lot of this time with my sweetie baby wabie nephew, Carter. OMG, he is the best!
It is currently mid-March of 2020, and I am not at all in a situation I ever thought I’d be in.
No, I’m not referring to the global pandemic of coronavirus and the fact that I am living at my sister’s house since my parents are self-isolating at home after returning from a trip to California.
I am referring to my employment situation.
Posting this pic because a bunch of these girls are nurses who are running into the chaos while the rest of us are staying at home to avoid it. Thanks to those queens and all the other people who are having to work during these wild times! <3
For those who don’t know, your girl is currently unemployed.
At first, this unemployment was intentional. At the end of my contract at Ontario Tech in October, I decided that I was going to take some time off from working to concentrate on some projects and to do some travelling.
I started a podcast, longboarded, really focused on therapy and mental health, reflected on what I want out of my career and life, travelled to Bali, and went to a surf camp.
These were all valuable experiences that I probably could’ve done with a job. But, as my contract was coming to an end, I felt like I was kind of just going through the motions of life, without really being purposeful on how I wanted to live. So, I decided to take the time to fully prioritize these important things that I care about.
Plus, seeing as how I still live at home and probably won’t for that much longer, I figured this would be the most realistic time in my life to take this break—my responsibilities will only increase as I get older.
Following my return from Bali, my plan was to come home and get a job (specifically, a remote one), ideally within a month or two.
I turned down a job offer prior to leaving my last job, my bosses and colleagues were so reassuring of my value and even offered to help me if I wanted to pursue another position at the university, I was confident in my education and resumé, and I know that I’ve worked hard at every job I’ve had and never burned any bridges. So, I figured this plan would be no problem.
Things seemed to be going as planned in December, when, shortly after my trip, I learned that a big organization wanted to move forward with my application for a remote and secure job in my field.
It was a super long and tedious hiring process, but as the months went by with no real leads (PSA: don’t just apply to U.S.-based jobs when you’re an out-of-work Canadian), I felt a tiny sense of security knowing that I had a good, potential opportunity in the works.
Until, that is, last week when I found out I did not get the job.
I won’t lie, I did have a mild freak out after getting this news. With the halt of my one progressing application and no other job leads, I started to spiral, second-guessing myself and all my life choices.
How have I been out of work for so long?!
Should I have taken that job last summer, even though I knew I wouldn’t have been happy in it?
Was that old friend right when he told me that opportunities would run dry, that I’m delusional for having dreams and looking for fulfillment, that I’m spoiled for having the support of my parents in taking this time off work?
What will people think when they hear about my current situation?
Am I just a failure who’s going to be jobless and living with her parents forever?
While I did have a bit of a freak out, I will say that thanks to good friends and an improved ability to talk myself down (thank you, therapy), my panic didn’t last as long as I know it would have if I were in this situation just one year ago.
Plus, following the word that I didn’t get the job, failure seemed to be the topic of conversation on all the podcasts I listen to and social media accounts I follow. It was like the world was bombarding me with information about the benefits of failure and how necessary it’s been in the success of big business people like Oprah; Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx; J.K. Rowling; Gary Vee; Steve Jobs; Walt Disney; and countless others.
The mind-reading podcasts that I love, love, love are: “The Gary Vee Audio Experience,” Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose,” Rachel Hollis’ “RISE podcast,” and Jenna Kutcher’s “The Goal Digger Podcast.”
In hearing these messages and in refocusing on the big picture, I’ve been trying to reconnect with the reasons why I started this break in the first place and concentrate on the things I’ve learned during this five-month period.
So, here are some of the reminders I’ve been telling myself and the lessons that I’ve been learning on this journey.
1. This time has been valuable.
These months off work have been so beneficial in allowing me to gain self-awareness, work on things that I care about, think about my goals, and plan how I will get them. Plus, I’m not mindlessly and unhappily going through the motions like I felt like I was for much of my life before this. I’ve been really happy and I feel like I’ve been laying the groundwork to be happy in the future.
2. Failure is necessary.
If you get everything you want, then you’ll probably turn into a brat. But, if you don’t get everything you want, then you learn what doesn’t work and what you can do better, you build character and resilience, you practice flexibility, and you become more appreciative when things do work out.
In not getting this job and in not getting any job after applying for over three months (the first two months of this time were dedicated to travelling and other projects), I’m learning what doesn’t work in searching for work. I’m learning how to be OK with things not going as planned. I’m learning how to interview better. Also, when I do get a job, I know this time will make me way more appreciative of it, which would not have been the case had I taken the job I was offered last summer.
Really been learning this over the past five months. I will achieve my dreams, just not in the exact way that I picture. https://quotlr.com/image/3899
3. My career and life are going to be long.
Realistically, I will probably retire in 40 years. That’s longer than I’ve been alive. So, the idea that I won’t get another job or move out of my parents’ house when I have so much time and a good head on my shoulders is just ludicrous.
Ludacris, I tell you!
Plus, I’m 27 and if I’m lucky and stay healthy, I should have about two more lifetimes left in me. So, in the grand scheme of things, what is a few months out of many decades to make personal improvements that will only enhance said decades?
4. Be selfish now, have fewer regrets later.
As mentioned, I started this whole work break because I had things beyond my regular job that I wanted to really focus on. While I certainly had people telling me that I’m selfish for making this unconventional move, I know that being “selfish” now will lead to a more fulfilling life where I’m not later wondering about what I could’ve done and tried.
If I feel fulfilled and don’t have regrets, then I will be a happier and more enjoyable person for other people to be around. If I feel unfulfilled, too scared to try something new, and am left wondering what else is out there, then I will be miserable and a shit person to hang out with. If the former means I’m selfish and the latter means I’m selfless, then I’d rather be selfish, bitches.
5. I am grateful for my parents, and for my humility.
I acknowledge that I am lucky that I live at home and that my expenses are super low, so I’m able to afford this time off work. God bless Joe and Maria for housing me while I figure my life out (I will repay them someday).
Sometimes I think about how kind my dad is and I cry. Like, actually cry. May or may not be crying rn.
Mom livin’ it up in San Fran before having to come home to self-isolate.
At the same time, though, I’m also grateful for my humility.
I’ve had quite a few people tell me that I’m so lucky I can take this path and that my parents are cool to live with. While I don’t think they’re wrong, I also think my actions deserve a shout out, too.
If they wanted to take a break, most people could make it happen. To make it feasible, they could move back home, have hard conversations with their parents to ultimately improve their relationships, live in a cheaper place with more roommates, live more modestly by owning and buying fewer things. Most people could, but they’re too embarrassed and scared to take these seemingly backwards steps. Your girl’s accepted the optics, and I argue that takes courage.
6. There’s always going to be someone who has it better and someone who has it worse.
I know I just said that most people could do what I’m doing if they really wanted to, but I do acknowledge that some people truly could not. I got immigrant relatives, and I know that they can’t fall back on their parents because they’re actually supporting them. Honestly, it’s never been lost on me that I’m lucky that’s not my situation.
With that said, though, it doesn’t mean that the lucky are not allowed to seek more fulfillment.
The negative friend I mentioned before was a strong proponent in trying to make me feel guilty for wanting more out of the already blessed life I was born into. But to that I say, go away.
If we base whether or not we’re allowed to seek fulfillment on the blessings we have in comparison to other people—so the rich have to be satisfied and only the poor can reach for more—then everyone would be stagnant because there will always be someone who has it better and someone who has it worse.
Everyone is different, everyone deserves fulfillment, and don’t let the judgers try to bring you down!
7. I need to keep ignoring the judgement and focus on what I can control.
Clearly, I get a little triggered when talking about my old negative friend and the judgers in general.
What I’ve been learning in my therapy, though, is that regardless of what anyone thinks and has to say, how I react is my own choice.
If someone looks down on me for being unemployed, makes fun of me for living at home, or tells me I’m spoiled and delusional, I can choose to respond with anger and frustratingly try to get them to understand me.
Alternatively, I can choose to empathize with these people and recognize they’re putting me down because they have their own problems. I can choose to live in peace by focusing on myself and the good people around me. I can choose to focus on all the positive progress I’ve been making in my life lately.
(Also, for an added dose of anti-hater support, I can reread the Learn With Lels post “Judgement: The Problem That Impacts Everything I Do.”)
The latter option is obviously the better way to go, and picking it is absolutely in my control.
8. Everything will work out, everything is working out, and I’m doing just fine.
I’m at a unique place in my life, and it may not seem like it if you’re looking at conventional measures, but I know that I’m on the right track.
Compared to five months ago, I’m smarter and I’m happier. I’m mentally fitter and more resilient. I have clearer long-term goals that I know I will eventually achieve, and I’m more flexible and accepting of the steps it will take to get there. I’m feeling freer and more fulfilled, and I know I’m working toward a life that I’ll be proud of when I’m looking back as an old lady.
But in the meantime, it is currently mid-March of 2020, I am not at all in a situation I ever thought I’d be in, but I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
What I’ve learned/some realizations:
This time has been valuable.
Failure is necessary.
My career and life are going to be long.
Be selfish now, have fewer regrets later.
I am grateful for my parents, and for my humility.
There’s always going to be someone who has it better and someone who has it worse.
I need to keep ignoring the judgement and focus on what I can control.
Everything will work out, everything is working out, and I’m doing just fine.
Me and Carty are having the best time together!
Carty’s so happy to have me as his roommate!